Aaron Johnson at the Glastonbury Festival - 29/06/2014

1. my fav thing to do at work is say “okay let’s go to the hospital” when a kid says something hurts because they immediately feel better
2. even though I do it with my brightness all the way down someday someone will realize I’m playing the kim k game at work but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it
3. bless my coworker for working around my period so I won’t have to be outside during pick-up time

kid: my friend’s mom speaks Switzerland and—
me: Switzerland is not a language
kid: yes it’s a state
me: that is also incorrect
kid: it’s not she speaks Switzerland and American


Well, America?

The last time a bunch of immigrant kids got into our precious country was under another darn liber—oh, yeah.  Reagan.

Funny how the right didn’t scream bloody murder then, isn’t it?  Only why ain’t I laughing?

during our trip to idyllwild we got drunk and my friend posted a video of me sliding down the stairs on my ass with my arms in the air yelling “everything is a slide if you try hard enough! everything is a slide if you drink wine enough!” and several coworkers saw it and have quoted it back to me life is so exciting

  •  *friend sees me drunk and leaning on the wall*
  • friend: you good?
  •  *i look up slowly*
  • me: are YOU GOOD?! shit im just chillin

group mate is going into the emergency room
an hour and 33 minutes before presentation
this will go well


john oliver is really not fucking around 


this is so sad to watch

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