Aaron Johnson at the Glastonbury Festival - 29/06/2014



1. my fav thing to do at work is say “okay let’s go to the hospital” when a kid says something hurts because they immediately feel better
2. even though I do it with my brightness all the way down someday someone will realize I’m playing the kim k game at work but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it
3. bless my coworker for working around my period so I won’t have to be outside during pick-up time



kid: my friend’s mom speaks Switzerland and—
me: Switzerland is not a language
kid: yes it’s a state
me: that is also incorrect
kid: it’s not she speaks Switzerland and American



tamorapierce:

Well, America?

The last time a bunch of immigrant kids got into our precious country was under another darn liber—oh, yeah.  Reagan.

Funny how the right didn’t scream bloody murder then, isn’t it?  Only why ain’t I laughing?



during our trip to idyllwild we got drunk and my friend posted a video of me sliding down the stairs on my ass with my arms in the air yelling “everything is a slide if you try hard enough! everything is a slide if you drink wine enough!” and several coworkers saw it and have quoted it back to me life is so exciting



  •  *friend sees me drunk and leaning on the wall*
  • friend: you good?
  •  *i look up slowly*
  • me: are YOU GOOD?! shit im just chillin


group mate is going into the emergency room
an hour and 33 minutes before presentation
this will go well



i-eat-men-like-air:

john oliver is really not fucking around 



intensional:

this is so sad to watch



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