Aaron Johnson at the Glastonbury Festival - 29/06/2014
1. my fav thing to do at work is say “okay let’s go to the hospital” when a kid says something hurts because they immediately feel better
2. even though I do it with my brightness all the way down someday someone will realize I’m playing the kim k game at work but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it
3. bless my coworker for working around my period so I won’t have to be outside during pick-up time
kid: my friend’s mom speaks Switzerland and—
me: Switzerland is not a language
kid: yes it’s a state
me: that is also incorrect
kid: it’s not she speaks Switzerland and American
The last time a bunch of immigrant kids got into our precious country was under another darn liber—oh, yeah. Reagan.
Funny how the right didn’t scream bloody murder then, isn’t it? Only why ain’t I laughing?
during our trip to idyllwild we got drunk and my friend posted a video of me sliding down the stairs on my ass with my arms in the air yelling “everything is a slide if you try hard enough! everything is a slide if you drink wine enough!” and several coworkers saw it and have quoted it back to me life is so exciting
Tina Fey talks about some auditions that went awry…
group mate is going into the emergency room
an hour and 33 minutes before presentation
this will go well
Dr. Seuss was not even in the general area of fucking around.
#everyone thinks of dr seuss as some sweet old guy who wrote kids books and made up cute words#little do they know he was the most hardcore political motherfucker to ever draw cartoons for newspapers of all time basically#he was of german and jewish descent and got bullied a lot as a kid#then he grew up and drew cartoons for the school paper#and when he got fired for being to fucking real for the paper to handle he made up a new name and KEPT SUBMITTING THEM ANYWAY#BECAUSE HE NEVER FUCKED AROUND FOR A SECOND#DID YOU KNOW DR SEUSS DID A FEATURE LENGTH DOCUMENTARY AFTER WWII ABOUT HOW WWII WASN’T ACTUALLY OVER AND THE NAZIS WERE STILL ALL AROUND#IT WAS CREEPY AS ALL FUCK AND MORE HARDCORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW#IT WON A FUCKING OSCAR OR SOME SHIT#HE DID KIDS BOOKS ON A WHIM HIS REAL TALENT WAS DISMANTLING FASCIST REGIMES WITH ADORABLE BLACK AND WHITE SKETCHES OF TURTLES#OH YEAH AND YURTLE THE TURTLE WAS ABOUT HITLER#AND THE SNEECHES WERE ABOUT SEGREGATION#SO FUCK Y’ALL AND YOUR CANDY-ASS VISION OF DR SEUSS
I think almost all of his stories have a deeper meaning and Horton Hears a who was written as an apology to the Japanese after WWII
wow holy shit fuck WOW
john oliver is really not fucking around